Glow

June 21, 2017

Glow
 

She kept her eyes closed
Because the darkness was easier to bear
It was familiar and safe
And in it, no one else was present

In it, she was alone
Left to deal with nothing
And no one
Except herself

Cradling her arms around the bend of her knees
She held onto that darkness
Seeing it wasn’t enough
She needed to feel it too

Smooth, and soft, and silky
Coated in the moisture of denial
That a world outside this darkness she’d created
Didn’t exist anymore

But it did
Waiting just outside her tightly closed eyelids
Waiting to penetrate her reality
Waiting to shatter her safety

There was no tangible noise in the darkness
Only echoes of what she remembered
From being in the light
The cruel, judgemental light

Memories of what the light said
Nightmares of what the light did
Pain from what the light left behind
Hatred from how the light made her feel

“Open them” a familiar voice begged of her
Almost completely drowned out
By her refusal to acknowledge it
Her refusal to accept whose voice it was

Pulling tighter at her knees
Not giving in to the urge to blink
She turned
Until she was facing a wall

Or so she thought
How could she know
When her eyes were closed?
How could she possibly know the difference?

“Open them” the voice begged again
This time finding her in assumed safety
It wouldn’t harm her to open her eyes
If she was facing a dark wall

A tear found its way to the rise of her cheek
As she faced the wall and rose to her feet
Certain that what she was facing
Was the same as what she’d been hiding in

One lid at a time
She opened her eyes
Instantly blinded
By the light she didn’t know was there

Forced to look up and into it
Held captive in the corner
When the wall from the other end
Closed in and trapped her where she stood

She tried to look down
Light was there too
She looked from left to right
Light was there too

She tried closing her eyes
But it was more painful than she remembered
So she left them open
Eventually accepting the light’s defeat

She looked down at her skin
Skin that resembled the darkest soil and had been treated as such
Skin that had been camouflaged by the darkness she hid inside of

Now this skin looked different
As she studied it beneath the light
It appeared more appealing
It appeared worthy of more than it had been offered

It no longer resembled
The soil that covered dead things
It now took on the appearance
Of the soil that living things were planted in and grew from

A simple escape from the light
Had, without intent, given her new perspective
Had somehow restored something
That she never knew was there

It had changed her dark eyes
Driving right into them
And staying there
Even in the darkness

She couldn’t have seen it coming
Not with her eyes closed
Not with her ears covered
Not with her arms wrapped so tightly around her knees

She wouldn’t have believed it
Even if they told her, though they did not
She barely believed the voice speaking to her
Even though it was her own

But there she stood
Finally a witness to her own dark beauty
And beneath the light created to blind her
She glowed 

 

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